Top tips for Writing Personalised Vows
So, your wedding day has almost arrived and the excitement is starting to set in, only to be followed by the realisation that it’s time to start writing your very own wedding vows.
Wedding vows are such a magical and totally personal moment.
It’s a chance to express your love, your personality and the unique nature of the relationship you and your partner share. Be it emotion charged or lighthearted words that see you seal-the-deal, it’s important to think about what it is that you want to express in this once-in-a-lifetime moment.
We know that just the thought of piecing together and putting into words the love you have for your spouse can be daunting, however, we are here to assure you that it really needn’t be.
With these few tips and tricks, we’ll have you dishing those vows out like you were born to do this.
Sit down… just the two of you.
You may have completely different ideas about what wedding vows look and sound like, so by sitting down and discussing what you’re both envisioning, it provides a really clear idea about where to start.
Do you want to make and share promises to each other that you’ll uphold throughout your marriage?
Do you want to state the things you love most about each other and why you’ve made the decision to get married?
Do you want your vows to be more light-hearted and fun, and mention how your favourite thing about him is that he is pure Conrad?
Or, do you want them to be on the more serious and formal side?
By honing in on a particular theme and tone, it will help to ensure there’s a beautiful synchronicity between your vows.
Consider length.
How long do you want your vows to be? There is no minimum and maximum (within reason) word count here. The beauty of wedding vows these days is that they can be completely personalised to what you and your partner want.
It’s often suggested by celebrants that it can be helpful to pick a word count and stick to it. If it’s a little bit over or under, that’s fine, but giving an approximate amount of words can make the thought of writing vows less overwhelming.
Examples, examples, examples.
Don’t feel like you’re alone in this, there are countless examples of wedding vows currently residing on the internet. Don’t be shy, have a look, have a read, ask your friends and family what they included in theirs. Inspiration is there, just waiting to be found. You can always start by jotting down some ideas, and please, don’t think you need to write everything all at once. Giving yourself time to piece it altogether will ensure you’ve got something super sweet and vows that you’re really happy with.
A note on AI and inspiration.
In 2025, it’s worth acknowledging that AI tools like ChatGPT can be genuinely helpful in the vow-writing process – if you use them intentionally. They’re brilliant for breaking through writer’s block, helping you structure your thoughts, or generating prompts to help spark your own ideas.
Ask Claude to help you brainstorm themes, or use Chat GPT to suggest different ways to express a particular sentiment you’re struggling to articulate. These are legitimate shortcuts that serve your vision.</p>
What matters is that your vows should be yours. That means resisting the temptation to let AI write them for you in entirety, or lift phrases verbatim without making them your own. The magic of wedding vows isn’t in perfect wording, it’s in the specificity and vulnerability, the truth of your relationship. No AI tool can replicate that authentically.
Think of AI as a brainstorming partner, not a ghostwriter. Use it to unlock your own words, not replace them.
Alternatively, chat to your celebrant – most will willingly help one or both of you individually, and many will share their advice and guidance.
We also have an excellent downloadable guide to writing your vows – free for November 2025.
Consider some themes.
Free-form writing can be tricky, so consider putting pen to paper around some common themes and ideas:
- Making promises to each other – the whole basis for your commitment of marriage
- What you love most about your partner
- Reflect on your past, your present and hopes for your future together
- Share a poem or if you’re feeling up to it, write your own
- How your partner makes your life better
- What your marriage means to you
- Share a story from a time in your relationship
Just do it.
We all do it but we also know that procrastinating can ultimately lead to more panic. One of our celebrants told us recently of a groom that was getting so stressed by the thought of writing his vows that he’d email her every few days asking for more examples, more ideas and where and how he should even start. She told him, to simply just start. Start writing, and whatever pops into your head, just write it down, even if it doesn’t flow and make sense. Just write it down.
Literally the next day, he emailed saying, ‘Wow, once he started it all just came out and it was so easy…’.
Staying on brand.
Sometimes we hear couples worry that one person’s vows are much longer or shorter than the other’s. This can be something a friend or your celebrant can check and suggest ways you could meet in the middle, or —hear us out—this difference in length may be very indicative of your own personalities. One person in the couple may be a talker, while the other may be a person of few words. If this is the case, and the sentiment is still there in both vows, we guarantee it won’t seem weird on the day if they don’t match in length. Stay true to each of you, and you’ll feel more connected with the words exchanged in the moment.
Do it your way.
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to write your own vows. You can choose to write them together or separately. You can share the same vows or have them completely different from one another. It is completely up to you. If you want to ask your partner’s opinion then do so, if you want it to be a surprise on the day, ask a close friend or your celebrant to have a read over your vows and see if they can offer any suggestions.
It’s really important to remember that it’s just the two of you up there. Don’t get caught up with what you ‘think’ you should say and how you should say it. It’s your day and it’s an opportunity to share words with each other that you may not normally mention on the reg. So get up there and tell your partner how much you love them in a way that is meaningful to the both of you.
Good luck, although you won’t need it now!
Now that your vows are underway, is your ceremony situation in order? From set-up, to sound, weather and safety considerations – click rel=”noopener noreferrer”>here for our low-down of nailing your ceremony from start to finish.
Written in collaboration with Ivory Tribe contributor Kathryn Brandt.
