Common wedding planning arguments (and how to solve them)
Planning a wedding can be so many things – exciting, stressful, fun and at times tiring. It’s an emotion-charged process, and can often bring with it, disagreement or disappointments along the way.
With family tradition or expectation, cultural symbolisms, social norms and a lot of people pleasing and opinions being thrown in the mix – it’s no wonder a couple will often come to a head at one point or another throughout the planning process.
Wedding-related arguments are normal, and real. So before you jump ahead and call off the big day altogether, take a read of some of the most common couple gripes, and know that you’re not alone.
You want a wedding for two hundred guests in a lavish winery setting with fireworks and they want an intimate ceremony on a beach, barefoot with only ten guests.
Post the engagement high, as you begin to get into the nitty gritty of wedding planning, you may find you have completely opposing ideas when it comes to how you want your wedding to look and feel. It’s often the first argument, but one that needs to play out. Be sure to flesh out both your ideas, identify your priorities, reasons concerns, and reach a compromise before moving forward with planning your happily-ever-after.
Do you ever feel like you’re planning a wedding for you mum/best friend/sister? Anyone except you and your partner?
Be it bickering bridesmaids unhappy with the colour of their dresses, working out if work colleagues will be invited as guests, or aunty Susan who insists that the unplugged wedding rule does not apply to her and her giant iPad, the opinions of others can certainly build tension between a couple.
If you find yourself battling with each other and not seeing eye-to-eye, remember to go back to your initial plans and how you both wanted your day to be and leave others’ opinions out in the cold, instead of each other.
PULLING YOUR WEIGHT
While you spend sleepless night thinking about wedding favours, countless hours emailing vendors and writing list after list after list, your partner seems to be enjoying night after night on the couch with not a care in the world. Sound familiar? Cue an anger you may never have quite felt before.
If you’re both not pulling your weight when it comes to wedding planning, tension will obviously build until it spills over into a slanging match. Be sure to communicate from the get-go about expectations and even assign tasks that each of you can do independently, so one person doesn’t feel that the burden of wedding planning has completely fallen on them.
You want a $10,000 wedding dress and they want to pay down the mortgage. They want to spend extra on a live saxaphonist for your first dance, and you want to put that money towards gold gilded plates. Perhaps you’ve completely blown your budget or you’ve decided to cut back on what you initially wanted to spend.
Either way, money matters can make people mad! Be sure to be on the same page when it comes to your dollars before it becomes no laughing matter.
HONESTLY, I DON’T CARE
As you pour your heart and soul into planning the perfect wedding, nothing will quite make your blood boil when you ask your partner a question about planning and they say ‘I don’t care’ or ‘it really doesn’t matter’.
It’s a hugely common argument and while your partner often means that they are just happy to go with what you think, it can be quite infuriating to hear.
Re-group and focus back on the why. Why you’re getting married and what it means to you both. You want a marriage far more beautiful than just your wedding day, and ensuring you’re respectful of one another’s view and priorities is a key to success here.
HENS PARTY AND BUCKS PARTY SHENANIGANS
You’ve organised an intimate dinner for an evening, possibly some dancing ’til midnight. Your partner is flying to Vegas with 25 mates for a week-long drinking affair.
While it may be a non-issue for some, it can become a big issue if you’re not on the same page. It’s a good idea to discuss your pre-wedding party expectations and boundaries in advance so you’re both on the same path when it comes to this avoiding any fights as it nears closer to the day.
THE GUEST LIST SHOWDOWN
They insist cousin Fred is invited despite the fact you have never met cousin Fred, and you want your work colleagues who you are close to, even though it’s likely you will change work places in the near future.
There’s nothing quite like a guest list to cause an angry showdown.
Be realistic when it comes to numbers, make sure you know how many numbers you can actually have at your venue, and be sure to sit down and clarify some rules when it comes to guest lists from the get-go. Of course compromise is key too.
We love our parents, we really do, but sometimes their point of view can become quite painful and cause friction between the pair that are to be wed.
If your parents or in laws are pushing the boundaries and it’s driving you or your partner crazy, it’s important that you focus back on who is getting married here, and that’s you.
Don’t let parents drive a wedge in your dream day, and set expectations early on this.
With a wedding, so too comes the merging of families and in turn, the amalgamation of traditions or beliefs.
Got a garden wedding on your mind, but your partners covets a Church ceremony? Or the idea of traditional music on your wedding day makes you weepy, but your partner couldn’t think of anything worse?
When you sit down to plan, talk about traditions and beliefs from the beginning. Don’t leave it too late. Be on the same page and then you can push forward with planning in perfect cohesion.
Want to avoid a wedding budget blowout? It sure will help with any planning arguments, that’s for sure. Here’s our top 20 tips to do so.