Common wedding regrets: what couples wish they’d done differently.

Every time we ask our community about wedding regrets, the responses come fast. Not because people are unhappy, but because hindsight is specific in a way that planning advice rarely is. The things couples wish they’d known often aren’t in any checklist.

So we collected them. The practical, the emotional, and the IYKYK moments.

Consider this your big sister intervention, the perspective you need when you’re drowning in seating chart options at 2am.

And a note from me, as someone who’s been a part of ceremonies for over a decade: the couples with the fewest regrets aren’t the ones who had perfect days. They’re the ones who planned with intention, communicated clearly, and gave themselves permission to prioritise what mattered to them.

 

How to manage your wedding guest list.

“Don’t feel like you have to invite people’s partners if you’re not close with them also”

“Inviting people you didn’t want there, but forced to due to in-laws wanting them there”

“Inviting too many guests! We had a tight list of 100 already but wish it was even smaller”

The guest list was mentioned as a regret by many couples — and the specifics vary, but the theme is universal: people wish they’d been braver about drawing boundaries.

Your wedding guest list doesn’t need to read like your phone contact list (“do not call, ever” does not need to come!). It’s your celebration, not a diplomatic summit. And whilst I get that often there is pressure to include certain people, where you can, try and stay true to what feels right for you.

Some couples will only invite people they’ve seen or spoken to regularly in the last year.

Others may decide not to include a plus-one they’ve never met.

Drawing a boundary that feels comfortable to you, even if it causes a difficult conversation, is almost always worth it.

 

Wedding photography regrets (and how to avoid them).

“Not a regret but an ‘I wish’ I was more specific with my photography shot list!”

“Not getting pics with all our guests”

“Meet with your photographer before booking! Personalities are different IRL!”

“Being too self-conscious to ask the photog for photos of me with friends (no bridal party)”

“Spent too much time trying to get staged photos with every family member!”

Here’s what couples discover too late: your photographer isn’t a mind reader. It’s important to discuss your wishes for the day, even if you love a photographer’s style.

Multiple vendors mentioned that couples regret skipping professional content creators or settling for inexperienced photographers. The difference between capturing your day and truly documenting it lies in the details you discuss beforehand.

And the personality point is real. Your photographer is one of the vendors who spends the most time with you on the day. If you don’t feel comfortable around them, it can have an impact on your experience, as well as the photos themselves. Meet them before you book, in person, on a video call, whatever works, and trust your instincts about whether you’ll gel.

You’ll be looking back on your photos for decades, hopefully. Invest accordingly, research well, and communicate specifically.

 

Do you need a wedding videographer?

“Not having a videographer to capture the special moments & the impromptu ones”

This one comes up every single time we run a regrets post, and I can speak to it personally from having been part of so many ceremonies: there are so many beautiful moments that happen that the couple may not see.

The way your friends react as you meet at the top of the aisle. The reaction of your grandma as you exchange vows. A couple taking each other’s hand during a gorgeous speech.

Video captures how things happen, how thing sound, and how they felt. Hearing your Dad’s speech in the years to come may be something you’ll treasure.

If budget is a concern (and lets be real, for many of us it is), consider a highlights package rather than full coverage, or consider a content creator. Even fifteen minutes of beautifully edited footage will become one of your most treasured possessions.

Insider tip: if a videographer or content creator is too cost prohibitive, consider an audio guestbook. It will become a record of your friends and families’ voices in the years to come, one that couples treasure.

Should you do a first look before your ceremony?

The regret: “I wish I listened to everyone and did a first look so I could have enjoyed cocktail hour with all”

Consider what matters more to you: the surprise moment as you walk down the aisle, or having those extra precious moments to actually enjoy your reception with your guests. Every couple is different, so don’t feel pressure in either way, consider what feels best for you and know that is the right decision. Your photographer will be happy to talk this through with you.

 

 

How much should you spend on wedding flowers?

“Florals. Spend less, I spent 10k and I now wish I channelled most of those funds elsewhere!”

“Be picky about the bouquet, even if you don’t care about flowers. It’s in every photo!!!”

Floral regrets tend to land in one of two camps: spending too much, or not thinking strategically enough about what matters.

The $10k floral budget is not unusual for a large wedding, but it’s the level of spend that can sting afterwards if you realise you barely noticed the centrepieces during the reception. Florals are atmospheric, and they photograph beautifully, but they’re also temporary. Understanding where they’ll have the most impact (and where they won’t) is worth a conversation with your florist before you lock in a brief.

I LOVE the bouquet point. Your bouquet is in nearly every photo: ceremony, portraits, bridal party shots, candids. Even if flowers aren’t your thing, this is the one floral element worth being intentional about.

Insider tip: consider how you use your florals – ensuring your ceremony arbour can be repurposed for the reception is one simple way to maximise impact for your spend.

Do you need a wedding planner or coordinator?

“I would get a coordinator (and not rely on the venue one)”

This is an interesting one and very dependent on the individual venue. Different venues have a different scope of work for their coordinators, so it is worth clarifying during your venue visits how much they do.

Questions to ask could include:

• Does your coordinator manage supplier arrival times and load-in logistics?
• Will they help manage the ceremony (couple’s entrance, handing out petals, etc.)?
• Do they ensure they run sheet and schedule are adhered to?
• Do they manage the flow of guests between ceremony, canapes and reception?
• Will they coordinate with our MC on timing for speeches, cake cutting, and first dance?

Once you’ve got a good idea of how involved the venue coordinator will be on the day, you can make the call on whether you book an on-the-day coordinator, like the fabulous Kate at Hey Lovers, or one of the full-service wedding planners in our Directory.

 

 

Should you get ready together on your wedding day?

“I would’ve definitely gotten ready with my groom that morning — the comfort 🥺”

“Not staying together the night before”

The traditional model (separate getting-ready locations, not seeing each other until the aisle) is wonderful for some couples but not ideal for others.

If spending the morning of your wedding apart from your person makes you anxious rather than excited, that’s worth listening to. Some couples find that getting ready in the same space (even if not in the same room), or even just waking up together before going your separate ways to get ready, gives a sense of calm and connection that sets the tone for the entire day.

There’s no rule that says you have to be apart. Do whatever helps you feel most like yourself walking into your celebration.

How to manage wedding speeches.

“Not putting a time limit on speeches!”

“Speeches too long (despite giving everyone a limit! Everyone went over their time!)”

“Not writing a thank you speech to our family and guests

As anyone who has attended a wedding with a 35-minute speech from Dad knows, long speeches can really kill the vibe.

The tricky part is that giving someone a time limit doesn’t guarantee they’ll stick to it. Nerves, emotion, and a few glasses of champagne have a way of turning a five-minute speech into fifteen.

A few things that help: ask your MC to give speakers a gentle signal at the five-minute mark. Share ideas of speeches you love (short, heartfelt, specific) with your speakers so they know what you’re hoping for. And if you’re worried about a particular speaker, have an honest conversation early — better to be direct now than resentful later.

And if you are speaking, taking the time beforehand to map out what you’re going to say so you don’t forget to thank anyone is important – add this to your list for the last few months of planning.

Should you read your celebrant’s script before the wedding?

“Get a pre-read of your celebrant’s speech! We didn’t — big regret”

This one is close to my heart because, as a celebrant, I would hate to think a couple weren’t happy with their ceremony.

Your celebrant’s words set the tone for your entire ceremony. If you haven’t heard what they’re planning to say, there is obviously some risk. However, if you know your celebrant and their style well, this risk is (mostly) mitigated.

Many celebrants will offer to send the script to the couple for feedback beforehand, and if you know you’d feel more comfortable with this, be sure to ask that question of your potential celebrants in your initial communication.

If they don’t, but you’re feeling pretty confident they’ll nail it, you can always ask for them to read you a small sample over the phone or Zoom, or send any key moments over email so you can ensure it’s landing in the way you hope.

Some of my couples are super happy to have it as a surprise on the day, but I always offer both options.

Wedding styling regrets and how to avoid panic buying.

“Less decor, I feel like aspects of my wedding looked cluttered. It was pure panic buys”

The panic buy phenomenon is real, and it almost always happens in the final weeks of planning when anxiety peaks and decision fatigue sets in. You see something on Instagram, convince yourself you need it, and suddenly your venue is filled with elements that don’t quite work together.

Cohesion matters more than volume. A few considered, intentional styling choices will always look (and feel) better than a collection of last-minute additions. If you’re working with a stylist, trust their vision. If you’re styling your own wedding, set a hard cut-off date for purchases — two weeks before the wedding, nothing new gets added. Or, ask one of your stylish friends to eyeball your décor selection for you and be that voice of reason as you hit add to cart.

And remember: your guests won’t notice if you didn’t have candle holders on every surface. They’ll notice how it all feels on the day.

Choosing your bridal party (and getting it right).

“Choosing the wrong bridesmaids”

 “Maid of honour choice”

This one stings because it’s personal, and it’s the kind of regret people rarely talk about publicly.

Your bridal party should be the people who make you feel most like yourself, not the people you feel obligated to include. If choosing someone as a bridesmaid feels like a political decision rather than a joyful one, that’s worth sitting with.

It’s also okay to not have a bridal party at all. Or to have a small one. Or to have one that doesn’t look “traditional.” The only requirement is that the people standing next to you on the day are people you genuinely want there.

It’s also okay to realise that we all go through different chapters in our lives, and friendships ebb and flow throughout those. Just because someone isn’t in your life a few years after your wedding, doesn’t take away from how important they were to you during your wedding era. 

Or perhaps, they just didn’t show up in the way you hoped for. That is mostly outside of your control, so be gently with yourself when you reflect back. You weren’t to know.

Wedding budget regrets.

The regrets: “Not getting the dress I really wanted as it $$$ too much” and “Spending too much $$$”

Money regrets come in two flavours: spending too much on things that didn’t matter, and not spending enough on things that did.

The couples who emerge financially and emotionally intact are the ones who identified their non-negotiables early and stuck to them. Decide what matters most to you both, then allocate your budget accordingly. Be honest with yourself — if looking and feeling your best is going to help you enjoy the day, then invest in that. But remove the budget from somewhere else, and stay focused. Don’t try to add it all back in later.

Knowing your limits and being at peace with them is one of the most underrated wedding planning skills.

 

Why trusting your wedding vendors matters.

“Amazing vendors don’t need microdetails, save your energy, they’ll bring the magic to life.”

Truer wedding planning advice has never been spoken!

When you’ve done the work of choosing experienced, talented vendors, the best thing you can do is trust them.

Give them a clear brief, communicate your priorities, and then step back and focus on enjoying the lead-up and the day itself.

Wedding vendor regrets couples wish they could undo.

“Went with a cheap DJ, dance floor never really took off”

Not hiring a band”

“Booking a venue with noise restrictions”

 “Our venue’s wedding planner and photographer”

“Photographer sharing photos without our permission”

Your vendors aren’t just service providers; they’re the people who can elevate your day and your experience. When couples mention their wedding planner and photographer with crying emojis, that’s about fundamental trust being broken.

Whether it’s unprofessional behaviour, poor communication, or boundary violations like sharing your photos without permission, these regrets sting because they really shouldn’t happen.

Things that can help avoid this? Do your research beyond Instagram aesthetics. Read reviews, ask detailed questions, and trust your instincts during initial meetings. If you don’t gel with someone, that’s a good indication that they might not be the best fit for you. Use trusted directories (like ours!) and remember – the cheapest option may end up being the most expensive lesson.

Should you elope instead of having a big wedding?

“We decided to elope after 6 years engaged & was the most fun ever! After party to come”

Wish we eloped, too much time pleasing guests when we should have focused on us” 

Love this! Some of my favourite weddings in my friendship circles have been the party after the elopement.

Here’s the permission you might need to hear: your wedding doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s idea of perfect. If the idea of a big celebration feels nothing but stressful, or not at all like you, then elopement is a fantastic, super flexible option.

Don’t think you have to sacrifice style or quality of experience – many couples will invest in stunning outfits, a beautiful meal with close friends and family at their favourite restaurant with gorgeous styling, or a destination elopement to somewhere you’ve dreamed of travelling.

And if you’re somewhere in between, craving intimacy but feeling the pull of family expectations, there are ways to honour both. Micro weddings, weekday ceremonies, destination celebrations with a small group. The format is entirely yours to define.

 

How to pace yourself on your wedding day.

“Drinking too much!”

Between nerves, excitement, and well-meaning friends keeping your glass topped up, it’s easier than you think to overdo it before you’ve even cut the cake.

Pace yourself, eat something substantial, and remember that you want to remember your wedding, not piece it together from other people’s stories the next morning. And if you’re worried about others continually filling your glass (a likely scenario!), perhaps consider asking your wedding party to keep a watch for you on your glass and to swap out some of the champagnes for water.

 

 

How to build a wedding day timeline that works.

“The makeup artist running late so then rushing our entire first look and ceremony/photos”

 “Being late to my own wedding!”

Timeline anxiety is real, and it’s justified. When one vendor runs late, it creates a domino effect that can stress every subsequent moment of your day.

Build breathing room into your timeline. Your guests would rather wait five extra minutes than watch you sprint down the aisle in a panic.

The little things (that aren’t so little).

“We stood too far apart during vows because our bridal parties had started too far apart”

A small logistical detail that makes a big difference in photos and in how intimate the moment feels. Check with your photographer and celebrant that between them, they’ll manage this on the day (they should).

“My dad walking me down the aisle, it was a tiny church, and in photos looks like he was dragging me down”

If you’re being walked down the aisle and the space is narrow, practise the pace and the arm position beforehand. It sounds minor, but it’s the kind of thing that can look awkward in photos if you haven’t thought about it.

“I forgot to throw my bouquet”

Put it on the run sheet. If it matters to you, make sure your MC or coordinator knows it’s happening and when.

“Insisting on wearing my hair down even though humidity >90%. Should have adapted”

“Not doing my own hair. I know how I like my hair, so I should’ve just done it myself”

Hair regrets go both ways, but the common thread is not trusting your own instincts. If the weather is going to be a factor, have a plan B with your stylist. And if you know how you like your hair, don’t let anyone talk you out of it.

A note on opting out.

“Not getting married 🤪”

I received this response and honestly? It deserves more than a laugh emoji.

If the idea of getting married is causing you more stress than joy, it’s worth pausing and asking yourself whether now is the right time — or whether a wedding is the right format for your relationship at all. Relationships look different for everyone, and putting financial or emotional pressure on yourself to fit a particular mould isn’t something anyone should feel obligated to do.

There is no shame in deciding that a wedding isn’t for you, or that it’s not for you right now. The commitment matters more than the event, and sometimes the bravest thing you can do is be honest about what you need.

The bottom line.

I love this response: “No regrets at all. Everything was worth every dollar, even the expensive things”

The couples with the fewest regrets aren’t the ones who had perfect days, they’re the ones who prioritised their relationship over everyone else’s expectations. They invested in what mattered to them, communicated clearly with their vendors, and built enough flexibility into their plans to actually enjoy the experience.

Have you ever attended a wedding only to reflect afterwards that the styling wasn’t completely cohesive or the florals weren’t the perfect shade of burgundy? Chances are not – most people remember the love in the room, and the overall experience.

Your wedding regrets don’t have to be lessons learned too late. They can be wisdom that guides your planning from the start.

After all, the goal isn’t a perfect wedding day – it’s a day that perfectly reflects you both.