Bridesmaids behaving badly.
Fighting for the top spot, bickering between themselves, sulking about their outfit selections, or basically just causing chaos when it comes to pulling your day together.
What to do when your best girls are giving you the sh*ts?
Have you got one or more Team Bride members making your wedding planning process a total nightmare?
For many brides-to-be, the moment you get engaged, your brain goes into wedding overdrive. From the when to the where, and it’s never long before you move on to the who.
Often, this will include a special collective of your nearest and dearest in the form of a bridal party.
Champagne showers, pamper sessions, a newly-formed sisterhood all in your honour?
Sadly, not always.
Sometimes, the mix of personalities when a bridal party converges can bring with it some headaches.
It’s probably worth first looking at why things with your usually cruisy girl gang have turned sour. Is it a case of the green-eyed monster? Is it purely the amalgamation of contrasting personalities, that wedding or no wedding – the group would never really mix well?
Here are our top tips for bringing together your besties and dealing with bridesmaids that might be behaving badly!
SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS
There’s no surer way to cause chaos among the troops, than leaving things unsaid and allowing confusion to fester. From whether there might be any financial impact to your maids as they take on the BM role, to whether you have your heart set on them making it to your every dress appointment – the seemingly obvious is not always so. Ensuring you’re all on the same page will help navigate any potentially awkward future conversations.
It’s wise to not assume that everybody is keen to take on the role of being a bridesmaid too, so when asking the question, chat about what lays ahead and allow your ladies to politely decline if that’s the best thing for them (and the friendship).
Talk with them, not at them! Usually, conflict will arise as a result of miscommunication or confusion. There is very little that can’t be smoothed over with a good, honest chat. If you take a moment to remember that your girl gang are there because they love you, and hope to support you through the highs and lows of wedding planning, it will help to remind you that they are your mates – not your slaves.
Similarly, if it starts to feel like your ladies are pulling away, or your friendship is feeling strained – open up the lines of communication and simply ask them what’s on their mind.
A problem shared is a problem halved. When you enlist the companionship of your bridal entourage, along with it comes some understanding and expectation that they will play a part in your day and help along the way. This being said, try to delegate ‘jobs’ evenly and play to individual strengths.
If one of your girl gang is particularly creative, suggest she get on board with your styling situation, or got a money master among the mix? Budget business might be right up her alley!
CLASH OF THE TITANS
Let’s face it, in life, we will not always click with all personalities and this too can happen between bridesmaids. Be it differing opinions, forceful personalities or spotlight stealers – while you can hope that they will act united every step of the way, it’s not uncommon for a clash to take place. In this instance it might be time to step aside and ask a trusted friend or family member to intervene and find out what the problem is.
It’s also important that you perhaps have some bonding time with all your bridesmaids prior to the bridal shower/hens and wedding day, so they can get to know another. If all else fails, don’t feel afraid to voice your upset about the tension that is occurring and how it’s impacting you. This will hopefully be enough to pull your girl gang into line. However, be sure to find a harmonious resolution and never pick sides.
We all have our own personal style, so it’s natural that discrepancies about bridesmaid’s dress selection may occur. While it may be crushing to hear a friend being negative about her outfit, hopefully it may not be too late to work out a compromise. You hardly want a fashion fiasco to come between you.
If you have time, before shopping, talk to your BM’s about yours and their expectations. Will they be footing the bill or will you? Are you happy for them to wear the same colour but different styles? Is there a colour palette you’d be happy for them to choose from in a cut that suits their figure? Is it your way or the highway because you’re paying for the outfit?
It’s best to be open and know everything up front to avoid friction down the track. That said, it is your day and vision and ultimately your decision. Voice this to your bridesmaids and hopefully a compromise can be found. Because we all know a pack of foxes feeling on fleek is a force to be reckoned with.
ME, ME, ME
While we fully recognise it is your day, remember your bridesmaids have a lot going on in their own lives. This might be causing them undue stress, and when your own stress is added, it can ignite friction. It’s a good idea to remember that friendship is a two-way street, it’s not all about your wedding, and sometimes your plans will have to take a back seat in your BM’s life. Should friction arise, it might be time to ask them if everything is ok with them, and listen and care about what they have to say.
It’s also important to recognise that while this is the most exciting (and often overwhelming) time in your life, being open to suggestions, critique and where applicable – gentle criticism – might be necessary. If you have chosen your girl gang for a reason, because you love them and want them by your side – trust that the friendship will endure any niggles that a wedding might bring about.
It should be fun, for all involved!
All this bridesmaid chat has us wardrobe wondering… Check out some of our latest bridesmaid outfit trends an tips for selecting a look for your crew by clicking here.