How to Write (and Cut Down) Your Wedding Guest List

Just a small wedding with close family and friends…about 50, perhaps? But wait…what about their partners? And cousins? Cousins’ partners?  Before you know it, your intimate guest list has exploded and tripled in numbers.

The easiest way to write your wedding guest list is to start with everyone you’d love there, then shape it around three limits: your budget, your venue and the rules you set together. Agree on those rules early and apply them equally to both sides, and the harder conversations become much simpler.

Here’s how to navigate cutting the guest list situation with ease.

Where to begin when making your wedding guest list? 

Make your ultimate guest list. Trust us, there’s logic in this one. Before you go on the venue search, it’s best to know what numbers you’re looking at having on your guest list. The reason being, there’s no point visiting a venue, falling in love with it, only to find you can’t accommodate all your guests, or the opposite – the venue is oversized.

When you’re first contemplating who to invite, put together a rough draft of everyone you would definitely like to be there, and who hold a significant place amongst your friends and family.

Consider them the ‘non-negotiables’, just the individual – not their partner, their children, their best friend, only the individual that you want to be present to help you celebrate the day. Make this your A-list.

A simple way to do this and categorise is to break it down as follows:

• FAMILY – consider aunties, uncles, and cousins too.
• CLOSE FRIENDS – these are friends you see regularly.
• SIGNIFICANT RELATIONSHIPS – this group of people might not be family or close friends but have played a significant role in your lives. Think childhood, high school and university friends, sporting groups, travel, etc.
• WORK FRIENDS – these are people who have played a role in your professional life. Think colleagues, bosses, mentors or clients etc.

Anyone who comes with those A-list individuals (partners, children, close family friends, etc.) adds to a B-list. Your B-list might be those who would be nice to have, but not essential.

Once your budget and venue are determined, you can make a further call about the guests on the B-list you’d like to invite.

TIP – as your wedding planning comes along, you will no doubt think of extra people that you all of a sudden feel ‘have’ to be there. Use this A & B list as your reality check. If they didn’t make the cut in the first instance, why are they making the cut now?

 

How many guests can you afford?

It’s a good idea to work out what your cost will be per head. With this information in your hands you can determine what you can actually afford when it comes to your invite list. For example, if your first draft of guests was at 150 and you realise you can only afford 100 guests you now know exactly how many you have to cut. This is where the real work starts.

Double-check the maximum number of guests that are allowed at your venue. Even if you can afford 100 guests, can the space you intend to hold your wedding at fit them? This is where you might have to cut further, or in some instances you may be able to add in more if your budget allows.

Need a hand working out your numbers? Our guide to setting your wedding budget walks you through it.

 

Why guest count isn’t everything.

A venue’s listed capacity is its maximum, and the number that feels comfortable is sometimes a little lower. Keep these points in mind when considering the capacity and feel of the venue for your preferred number of guests:

• Maximum capacity often assumes a standing, cocktail-style setup. A seated dinner fits fewer people.
• Check the wet weather plan. If the ceremony is outdoors, make sure the indoor backup holds the full list.
• The dance floor, band or DJ setup and styling all take up space.
• A room a little under capacity usually feels more comfortable than one filled to the limit.

Once you know your numbers, explore the venues in our directory to find a space that suits your celebration.

How do you decide who to cut?

Early into your guest list planning, it might be worthwhile to set some criteria that if the guests don’t meet, means they can be taken off your guest list.

Start by asking yourselves some questions such as:

• Do I know them? Have I met them? Has my partner met them?
• Have I spoken to them in the last 12 months?
• Would I catch up for a coffee with them one-on-one?
• The work colleague test: if the company closed tomorrow, would you stay in touch?

Perhaps also consider a fairness rule: if one of you drops colleagues, you both do.

If the answer is no to some or all of the questions, it might be worthwhile asking yourselves if they make the cut as a wedding guest.

 

Should you give every guest a plus-one?

Decide as a couple where you draw the line with plus-ones. Perhaps you only extend the invite to the significant others of those who are married or engaged? Or perhaps you don’t invite plus-ones you don’t know.

We’ve been there…the close friend who’s just started dating a new flame who’s hinting as to where they’ll be sitting at the wedding, everyone in the office that saw your ‘just got engaged’ post on social media over the weekend, your workout buddy from the gym – where do they sit on the invite list?

It’s completely fine to invite the co-workers you gel with closely and actually want there and not the whole office – it’s your wedding, after all. You also shouldn’t feel obligated to invite someone because they invited you to their wedding; it’s not a tit-for-tat scenario, it’s your wedding, and most people understand each wedding has its own individual circumstances and confines to work within.

And as for that new plus-one that just landed on the scene, if you don’t feel comfortable having them there because you don’t know them, explain that to your friend.

Determine your rules around this early and have the confidence to stick to them. It’s your wedding, and your memories of the day will outlast what your friends and family remember.

Should you invite kids?

This can be a tricky subject to navigate, but you are within your rights to make the decision that works best for your celebrations.

Set your expectations with each other on this early and communicate this with your guests so they can make alternative arrangements for their children.

Other considerations when it comes to opting out of the child front include whether your wedding is a weekend-long affair, or a significant distance from home. These decisions may affect your guests’ ability to arrange childcare.

Keep in mind too that toddlers and older children may come under the blanket ‘no children rule’, but couples with small babies may require some lenience and understanding.

Also expect that some guests may not be able to attend due to the no-child rule, and handle it graciously. Whatever you decide, try to act with compassion and grace and in most cases, your guests will respond similarly.

We discuss the complexities of kids at weddings here – including suggested wording for your invitations.

How do you handle family expectations?

Depending on family expectations and if anyone else is giving a helping hand financially, this can be a sensitive subject when it comes to inviting relatives. It’s important to remember that your wedding day is about you and your partner rather than it being a family get-together.

You may have relatives you haven’t spoken to in years, so you shouldn’t feel you have to invite them. However, whatever decisions you come to regarding family members, it’s important to try and uphold whatever rules you make across both groups of guests. So if second cousins are not being invited on one side, don’t invite them on the other. However, families can be complex, and there may have to be some flexibility to keep it fair. Speak with your families, explain your reasoning and try to come to mutual decisions.

Ways to manage this situation include consideration of the financial contribution of the day – if your parents are helping to fund the event, would you consider an allocated number of guests they can attribute to the overall list?

Offering to open up the ceremony to guests for viewing – whether that be in person or via a live stream- can ensure their inclusion and cast that guest list net a little wider, without the cost or capacity implications.

At the end of it all, this is your day, and it’s important that it’s done your way. Be mindful of opinions and family requests, pay them the time for discussion and consider all possibilities, but always land on what feels right for you as a couple.

If you’re working out how to handle family expectations, here’s our guide.

What do you say to people who aren’t invited?

 POV: ‘Congratulations, we cannot wait for the wedding!’

‘Umm, but you’re not invited to the wedding…?’

Yes, it’s awkward, but absolutely do not invite additional guests simply because you’ve had an uncomfortable encounter.

Instead, be prepared to say something like, ‘While we’d love to celebrate with everyone, unfortunately we aren’t able to due to budget and venue space.’ Then quickly point out how fabulous they’re looking – deflect, deflect, deflect!

 

You really shouldn’t feel like you need to be dishing out invites like confetti. Being invited to a wedding isn’t something your guests should feel entitled to. Being a guest at a wedding is an honour and the guest list you’ve curated should reflect how you feel about the relationships you have with each person.

So send back that side dish of guilt (we’ll pass, thanks) and start making that ultimate guest list full of the ‘must-haves’ and not simply the ‘I guess they can make the cut’.

Guest List FAQ

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