Words of wisdom: the best wedding advice from couples who’ve been there
Ask a newlywed for their best wedding advice, and you’ll rarely get just one tip. Ask a whole community of them, and you get this: advice from close to a hundred couples on budgets, vendors, traditions, guest lists and how to stay present on a day that can pass in a happy, excited blur.
Every insight here comes from couples in our community, married across Melbourne, regional Victoria, across Australia and as far afield as Italy and Portugal.
Some of their advice is practical (make a joint email address). Some of it is philosophical (don’t forget the ‘why’).
A little of it is very specific (pay the Etsy witch).
All of it comes from people who stood exactly where you are now, with a spreadsheet open and a long list of decisions ahead.
One thread ran through so many answers that it earned its own section: our couples love their vendors. We’ll get to that. We’ve shared everything in their own words, enthusiastic ALL CAPS and all!
The best wedding advice, in short
- Slow down on the day. It goes quickly, so build in moments for just the two of you.
- Trust your vendors. About a third of the couples who shared advice with us mentioned the people they hired, usually with gratitude and often by name.
- Spend on what matters most to you, and keep a little buffer for the final weeks.
- Book early. Popular wedding vendors can book out 12 to 18 months ahead.
- Make it yours. Hold trends and outside opinions lightly, and let every decision centre on the two of you.
Table of contents
- The best wedding advice, in short
- How to enjoy your wedding day (and the lead-up)
- How to plan a wedding that feels like you
- Choosing wedding vendors you trust (and then trusting them)
- Is a wedding planner or coordinator worth it?
- Wedding venue advice from couples who’ve been there
- Wedding budget tips from real couples
- When to start wedding planning, and how to pace it
- How to plan a wedding together without the stress
- Wedding traditions, your way
- Practical wedding planning tips that save time
- How to create a great wedding guest experience
- Wedding day tips couples swear by
- After the wedding: rest, recovery and the honeymoon
- Remember what matters most
- FAQ
How to enjoy your wedding day (and the lead-up)
Some of the most repeated advice is also the simplest: the day goes quickly, so slow down inside it. Couples recommend letting go of perfect well before the morning arrives, and treating the lead-up as part of the celebration.
Enjoy every second of the insanity that is the lead-up. What an incredible privilege it is to be stressed about marrying the love of your life and celebrating with those you love. Take the day as slowly as possible, and don’t take the quiet moments for granted.
Make everything a big deal because it all goes by so quickly. Have the spray tan party! Get the bottle of champagne after buying the dress. We had a wedding party ‘get to know each other’ backyard event and it was so fun. Romanticise it all.
Lean into it and enjoy it for yourself. In the politest way possible, nobody cares about your wedding as much as you do, so indulge in it with your partner. It’s a life milestone after all. Also, take time to enjoy the journey of your wedding process, not just the event. A wedding should be fun and full of love. It’s a snapshot of where you are in life, so let go of anything that doesn’t serve you and revel in what does.
Have fun with it, and don’t take it too seriously. We get told all the time how much fun our guests had because of how relaxed we were about everything. And honestly, we had the best time too, not having the pressure of making everything perfect or trying to cater to anyone else but ourselves.
And once the day itself arrives:
Try not to become too consumed by every small detail needing to be perfect. Stay flexible where you can, and trust that everything will fall into place exactly as it is meant to. So much of what feels important in the lead-up fades once the day begins, and what remains is the feeling of it all.
The day goes by incredibly quickly something I didn’t fully understand until experiencing it myself. It is truly one of the most extraordinary days of your life, and one you will carry with you forever, so allowing yourself to be present and in the moment is everything. We felt so relaxed on the day, and it made the entire experience even more special.
Just absorb as much of the day as possible. Everyone told us this, but even four months later, it still feels like it was all a big dream.
Try not to get caught up in making everything perfect! The day seriously goes by so quickly so take moments to slow down, be present and truly soak it all in – with a prosecco in hand of course!
The way you are on the day affects how everyone around you is on the day. If you’re calm, happy, positive, carefree, enthusiastic, and full of energy, that vibe will naturally spread to others. Embrace the day for what it is. Expect a few bumps along the way but don’t let them shake your good mood. Protect your peace and keep your joy intact. Someone once told me; on the day of the wedding, always remember you are the guest of honour, not the host. You are the moment. Do not forget!
How to plan a wedding that feels like you
Trends come and go, and everyone has an opinion. The couples who loved their day most made their choices by asking one question: does this feel like us? Personal touches, they found, are the details guests remember.
The idea of a wedding being completely “timeless” is interesting, because every wedding will inevitably reflect the time in which it happened in some way – and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. The key is making sure that the trends you do choose to follow genuinely resonate with you, rather than feeling like something you ‘should’ do.
The best thing we did was learn to politely thank the unsolicited advice-givers, let it wash over us, and stay true to what felt right for us. Hold trends and opinions lightly, trust your gut, and you’ll end up with a day that feels uniquely yours.
Even if you’re getting married locally, we would absolutely recommend booking group accommodation for your bridal party the night before, if it’s within budget. We had the bridal party staying together in a beautiful house near our venue, while we stayed separately nearby and used the two locations for getting ready on the morning of the wedding. It worked brilliantly, giving us some quiet time as a soon-to-be-married couple while still being close to everyone.
One of our favourite memories from the entire wedding weekend was actually the night before – a relaxed BBQ with our bridal party and family at the house. It set the perfect tone for the day ahead and is a memory we’ll always treasure.
Elise & Aaron
B – People say it’s a given, but sometimes it’s hard not to get caught up in other people’s thoughts and opinions. You and your partner, and celebrating your love, is the only thing that matters. Whether you do or don’t want to do certain things that “make a wedding” is completely up to you. Red leaves mattered to us, so I became an Instagram stalker and weather scientist to figure out the window of red leaves. What matters to you is the most important thing!
Don’t fall into trends and don’t do what you think you have to do – do what feels most like yourselves and everything will fall into place.
Do it your way and make sure you’re not caught up in trends or what you think you should be doing.
Make sure you have fun and that the day is actually enjoyable for you both.
And choose a celebrant who makes you feel comfortable and relaxed – Emily from Le Lien was amazing.
Although Pinterest and other weddings are a great source of inspiration, make sure every decision you make centres around you. The limoncello spritzes at our wedding were made using lemons from our garden in Geelong, everyone’s place setting had a photo from our childhood with them in it, and the “chandelier” in the Stables we made ourselves using chicken wire and fairy lights. The small details aren’t necessarily the most expensive, but they are personal, and we’ve found them to be the most memorable, going by people’s feedback. At the end of the day, don’t overcomplicate things. Focus on a few elements that matter most to you. People won’t notice what you didn’t have time to do.
On keeping perspective, three couples with three very different strategies:
Stay off TikTok the week of the wedding; otherwise, you will think you regret everything because it’s not the latest trend!
If you want to keep your head in the lead-up, we recommend keeping a Reddit thread open which includes comments from people about everything they DON’T remember at weddings. It will really help maintain your sanity when choosing paper textures (a decision that, at the time, feels life-threatening).
In Matt’s words, great music, great drinks and lots of fairy lights is all you need.
Choosing wedding vendors you trust (and then trusting them)
The wedding industry gets its share of commentary online. Our couples would like to leave a few five-star reviews. So many of them used their words of wisdom to thank the people who brought their day together, from the celebrant who recommended the photographer who recommended the florist, to the photographer who put a nervous couple at ease. They called their teams hype crews, organisational wizards and an absolute A-team.
The advice underneath the love letters is consistent. Choose people whose work and communication you trust, ask them who they love working with, and then let them do what they do best. Vendors who have worked together before tend to move in sync, which is why a recommendation from your venue or celebrant is worth asking for.
Ask your vendors to recommend other vendors – our celebrant recommended our photographer, who in turn recommended our florist. It made the process so much easier, and we ended up with great people.
Listen to your venue’s recommendations for vendors! I did, and as stated, it was a breeze.
One of the best decisions we made was choosing vendors who already knew each other and had worked together before. It made the entire day feel seamless.
For hair and makeup on the wedding morning, we had a rough schedule, but because our hair and makeup artist were familiar with each other’s style and pace, they worked in perfect sync. Everything ran on time, and we felt relaxed and calm throughout the whole getting‑ready process.
We also ended up with the ultimate dream team for our venue, celebrant, DJ, photographer, and photobooth. They all came recommended by our venue, and it made all the difference. They communicated so well behind the scenes, understood how each other operated, and organised everything without needing us for a single thing. If anything went wrong, we never knew about it.
Surround yourself with people you trust, let them do what they do best, and enjoy the day.
On what a great team feels like on the day:
The vendors you choose really are everything so take your time choosing wisely. They are the ultimate hype crew, organisational wizards and work tirelessly in the background to make everything feel, and be, seamless.
Use vendors that have good reputations and that you can trust. Our day was only seamless because we had an absolute A-team who had done this a million times before.
A wedding coordinator, ours was Weddings by E, are worth their weight in gold.
Be decisive. Make a decision based on your gut and go with it, I think things get trickier when you become indecisive.
On choosing them well:
Choose your vendors wisely and pay attention to how they communicate from the very beginning. If communication doesn’t feel right early on, it’s worth considering your other options, particularly when it’s a really important booking.
Build communication with your vendors, don’t be scared to tell them your vision and what you want. We found having a ‘wedding planner’ journal really helpful to make notes of any and all details, and updating all of our vendors with any ideas or changes that we may have wanted to make while we were in the planning process.
On letting them lead:
Trust your vendors! Give them your ideas, but then let them take the lead on creative direction. There is no need to burn out with decision fatigue when your vendors are a wealth of knowledge and creative talent. Trust them and the process!
Our photographer and other vendors were such a delight to work with and spend the day with – we are so grateful to have been able to work with them and can’t worship/ thank them enough!
Stay true to yourselves and don’t feel pressured to follow other people’s expectations or ideas of what a wedding “should” look like. There’s more than one way to create a meaningful day and spending more money doesn’t necessarily mean something is more special or more “right” for you.
One of the best things we did was trust the artists and creatives we chose. We shared inspiration and ideas but also gave them the freedom to bring their own style and artistry to what they created – from the flowers and cake to the jewellery. Everything turned out more beautiful than we could have imagined because it was made with genuine care, creativity, and love.
Oh, and don’t ever have anyone tell you not to bring your dog (….and have him walk down the aisle)!
Trust your vendors, keep your non-negotiables tight, outsource what you can, and design a day that feels unmistakably “you.” And if entertainment is anywhere on your priority list: invest in it. It shapes the energy, the memories, and the entire guest experience.
And a couple of thank-you notes we couldn’t leave out:
During the lead-up to the wedding we had an engagement photoshoot with our incredible photographer, Ellie. It ended up being one of the best decisions we made. We were both quite nervous about being in front of the camera. Ellie made us feel so comfortable and at ease, which gave us so much confidence for the wedding day itself. The photos turned out absolutely perfect, and we’ll treasure them forever. We are forever grateful for Ellie!
We had lots of people tell us to not get a videographer as they never watch their video and it’s quite a big investment. We almost didn’t pull the trigger on organising one for this reason BUT having Ben from These Wild Eyes capture our day was one of the best decisions we made. Our wedding video is played often, we just love it and how authentic to us it is!
Ready to build your own dream team? Every vendor in the Ivory Tribe directory is hand-picked, so you can start your shortlist with confidence.
Is a wedding planner or coordinator worth it?
Couples who hired a wedding planner or coordinator answered this one with an emphatic yes. Others found their support in a trusted friend or a community of people planning at the same time. Either way, the message is the same: give yourself someone to lean on.
We would also recommend investing in a planner if it’s within your budget. Whether it’s full-service planning or partial support, the experience, guidance and reassurance they provide is invaluable.
Working with the Bow Creative team allowed us to enjoy every stage of the process and completely immerse ourselves in the wedding day without stress or worry. Looking back, we truly couldn’t imagine doing it any other way.
Our wedding was everything we hoped it would be—a joyful celebration with our family and friends, an unforgettable party, and the perfect reflection of who we are as a couple.
If planning an event isn’t the norm for you, I 1000 out of 10 recommend getting an event planner and or stylist who can manage the finer details, and you can enjoy the lead up and day.
We also organised an after-party at QT rooftop. We had the most amazing sunset and guests celebrated into the night!
Lean on the people around you and delegate where you can. If you’re someone who gets stressed easily, hiring a wedding planner or coordinator is worth every cent. But also remember: the day will feel perfect no matter what happens. And if something doesn’t go to plan, you’re surrounded by the people who love you most — they’re not there to judge you.
Most importantly, take moments throughout the day to pause and look around at all your favourite people in one place. Or do it five times, like Jack and I did. It’s one of the best feelings I’ve ever experienced in my life.
And whether or not you hire help, find your people:
Have a bridal bestie! Whether it’s a planner, coordinator, bridesmaid, sister, maid of honour, friend, whoever it may be, have someone who is your go-to person to soundboard ideas off, who you know will be unbiased and will be there to support you.
Planning a wedding is a big task, and sometimes you just need someone that you can vent to, that you can unload or bounce ideas off, or even just have sense checks with. A lot of the time, it’s easier to do that with someone who isn’t a family member or friend, but if you have someone that you can just unload and vent to without feeling like a burden, then that is great! It’s easier to have a single point of contact for this rather than going to many different people about different things.
I found joining wedding and bride-focused Facebook groups incredibly helpful. They were a goldmine of advice, support, and inspiration – from fellow brides who were planning at the same time, to past brides generously sharing their experiences and tips. It was also a great space to ask questions or get outside opinions when I needed a second (or third!) perspective. Most importantly, try to enjoy the process—it goes by faster than you think!
Browse hand-picked wedding planners in our directory.
Wedding venue advice from couples who’ve been there
Your venue sets the tone for everything that follows, and our couples chose theirs by feel as much as by floor plan. Venues with experienced coordinators and generous inclusions came up as a way to keep the day calm.
Choose a venue that instantly feels right, just like Mitchelton did for us. Keep things true to your style, don’t overcomplicate it, and delegate where you can. Focus on the feeling of the day because that’s what you remember most. And if your budget allows it, use it, because it really can take pressure off the planning.
Invest in a venue with an experienced wedding coordinator and as many inclusions as possible. Choosing a venue that already provided furniture, tableware, catering, staff, and a clear run sheet was a gamechanger. It made the day run seamlessly, and our guests truly felt that. I initially considered a DIY wedding but knowing how stressful it would have been to manage everything myself, I’m so grateful we chose an established venue instead. Staying calm throughout the planning process and being fully present on the day was my top priority, and I can’t recommend enough a well-established wedding venue as a foundation for your entire wedding journey.
If you are thinking of having a different venue to the norm- DO IT! Our guests were blown away by the uniqueness of the Old Melbourne Gaol, and it made for an unforgettable experience.
For those who are considering getting married at the Old Treasury building, pack your documents first, everything else can wait!
Explore our favourite wedding venues across Victoria.
Wedding budget tips from real couples
Agree on a number together, spend it on what matters most to you, and expect the final weeks to test it. That’s the budget advice in one line. Our couples were candid about the rest, including where they chose to splurge.
Start with agreeing on your budget and stick to it. It really helps when narrowing down what to include or exclude.
Set a budget and stick to it. Costs get out of hand quickly.
Invest in a good videographer.
Good entertainment is very important.
One piece of advice we received early on was that you will almost always go over budget. I’m usually someone who sticks quite firmly to a budget, but it’s very easy to get carried away in the final couple of weeks when you’re adding those extra finishing touches. During that time, I found it helpful to pause and ask whether something would genuinely add to the experience for us or our guests. Focusing on the overall atmosphere of the day rather than every tiny detail helped keep things in perspective.
- Try to decide on a vision/style of your wedding that means something to you and your partner (if that’s important to you) and stick with it, so many trends come and go and at least you can look back and know you represented yourselves throughout the day, not just what was on trend!
- Spend money on the elements of the day that mean the most to you, e.g. food, drinks, music etc.
- Try not to sweat the small stuff, as someone who fixates on the details especially in the lead up, on the day I was so consumed with the love and in the moment that I didn’t care about the little things like I thought I would.
- If you can, definitely try to get away with your partner for a day or two after the wedding. Doesn’t have to be a honeymoon but just takes some time to unwind, debrief and decompress after the big day. You are on such a high on the wedding day and in the lead up, you can feel a bit lost afterwards so take some time to process it all.
Decide what the most important parts of the day are for you, whether that be entertainment or venue, and splurge on those aspects.
Stick to your guns when it comes to what you want from your day.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Everything will come together when the time comes.
I think once you figure out what your non-negotiables are, the rest will fall into place. It’s easy to experience decision fatigue after a while, but if you have a clear focus (ours was guest experience), most decisions become much easier to make.
And most importantly, enjoy it – you only get to do it once!
As an industry gal, and now having had my own wedding, my advice would be:
- Don’t try to do everything yourself just to save a few dollars here and there. The stress really isn’t worth it.
- Your guests will remember how well they ate, what they drank, and how much they danced – so be intentional about where you allocate your budget.
- Think about the overall feel and vibe you want as a couple, and choose a venue that can truly bring that vision to life. For our reception, we wanted it to feel like one big party, so having a venue with no sound restrictions and full flexibility with things like AV and smoke machines was really important.
And one couple with a different take entirely:
On the night of our wedding, at the after party, I found myself giving this advice: “Just do it – it’s all worth it. Money doesn’t matter.” And honestly, I’d give the same advice today.
When to start wedding planning, and how to pace it
Popular wedding vendors can book out 12 to 18 months ahead, so the big bookings deserve an early start. Couples also recommend enjoying the engagement first, then chipping away steadily so the final month stays manageable.
Start taking notes of things you like when you’re a guest at other people’s weddings.
Book in your vendors early. It feels crazy to be enquiring about a vendor’s availability for your wedding that is over a year away, but popular vendors book out 12-18months in advance. Booking early makes the planning process so much easier!
Do a little bit at a time. Slowly chip away at the planning. It really helped it become a relatively stress- free experience.
Avoid leaving things to the last minute because there are always a million little things to do then that you need that time for and you want to enjoy that last little lead up to the day.
Try not to get too overwhelmed in that final month and reminding yourself that it will all come together as it’s meant to. There are always things outside of your control, especially when it comes to other people, so the focus should be on what you can control. Creating a day that feels true to you.
How to plan a wedding together without the stress
Planning a wedding is a team effort, and the couples who enjoyed it most divided the work, talked often and gave the planning its own time and place. A monthly wedding date night came recommended.
Communication is key. Listen to each other’s thoughts, feelings and ideas, rather than focusing on exactly what you want, and remember to always take the other’s feelings into consideration.
Divide and conquer – we both did so much work, independently of one another, to make our wedding everything that it was. It would have been so much more work to do it all together.
We were hyper aware from the beginning that we didn’t want the wedding to dominate our whole lives or personalities in the lead up! There are so many other things going on if your life that too much emphasis on the wedding isn’t healthy. We would set aside one date night a month to chat about all things wedding, and we found this gave us a good balance. It made the planning process fun and enjoyable.
I’d also say, if you connect with a vendor after the consultation, book them in and don’t think too much about it! To keep things simple, I never did multiple consults for the same type of vendor, as the admin can really pile up, and I didn’t want to give myself the chance to second guess – trust your gut!
Disagreements are normal. In time, you will laugh at the things you cared about so much when you realise nothing really matters except for marrying the love of your life and sharing the day with everyone you care about.
On keeping the stress in its place:
Planning a wedding is as stressful or relaxing as you make it! It doesn’t need to be stressful if you have really clear boundaries with your people (e.g. my grandma kept saying, “You must be SOOOO stressed,” and I said to her, “I’m not stressed, but you have to stop saying that because it’s making me feel stressed. Otherwise, I can’t talk to you about my wedding”); work with really good vendors you fully trust; and pick a bridal party/crew that has your back and puts your experience of the day first.
You cannot control everything that happens in the lead-up to your wedding and on the day, but you can control how you react. Don’t let the stress of altered plans ruin the magical experience.
I’m such a stress head, but I wish I’d stressed less and just gone with the mindset that whatever happens will happen, and it will all work out!
Wedding traditions, your way
Our couples treated tradition as a starting point. They walked down the aisle together, spread the celebration over two days, married legally at a courthouse the day before, and in one case threw a surprise wedding. Here’s how they made the rules their own.
We would really recommend making sure the wedding feels just right for you as a couple. We didn’t do all the usual traditions as it didn’t feel right for us. We stayed together the night before our wedding, walked down the aisle together and made sure that every part of the day felt like us.
Here are some things we didn’t worry about, which I have no regrets about:
Matching suits and dresses for the bridal party. We just asked everyone to pick an outfit that made them feel amazing within the colour palette and mood board.
Ensuring our vows ‘matched’ in length. Mine were double and it didn’t matter.
Getting our friend to be our MC, and our other friend to be our ‘celebrant’. We did our legal signing earlier in the week – and it just meant we got to extend the celebration all week.
My two sisters were my bridesmaids. I am super close to my sisters and wanted just them by my side. Tom had my brother, his brother and his cousin. It was beautiful as everyone was super comfortable with each other! Bridal parties don’t have to be even numbers!
Have a surprise wedding! It really takes the pressure off and makes the experience not only fun for you, but so exciting for your guests. It brings a whole different energy to the day at makes it memorable. Also, don’t forget to take some time to enjoy the day with just the two of you – for us, we went downstairs post ceremony and had a cheeky shot at the bar together.
Also, putting the festivities over two days was the best choice we made. It allowed us to have a private ceremony with our nearest and dearest, then head to dinner and drinks at Longrain Melbourne to celebrate. We could then wake up and enjoy the next morning, taking it slowly before we had to start getting ready for some more photos and the reception. This meant we could relax and truly celebrate with everyone.
This is advice that a few of our friends have taken on board: split the wedding into two days. Ceremony and dinner with family on day one, big reception and party with friends and family on day two. Keep the ceremony intimate and the reception loose.
Get married in the courthouse! We had an intimate legal ceremony at the courthouse and then wed in front of our friends and family at Coombe. This significantly reduced costs as we had a friend deliver a non-legal wedding ceremony, signed a Canva marriage certificate, and took the pressure off as we were legally married the day before.
On the size of it all, two couples, two conclusions:
If you are leaning towards a micro-wedding or elopement – do it! You will not regret it.
Halfway through the process, we thought ‘why didn’t we elope?’ but we can safely say that the big wedding we ended up having was the most special, fun and crazy day, and we would do it ALL again in a flash. If you’re on the fence about small vs big wedding, go big and enjoy every moment of the craziness.
Practical wedding planning tips that save time
The smallest systems save the most time. A dedicated wedding email address, a good spreadsheet and a QR code seating chart all came recommended, along with one very thorough run sheet.
Make a joint email address! It will save loads of time and will make it easier to find all your vendor email threads.
Buy a wedding planning Etsy template! They are really cost-effective (ours was about $20) and saved a load of time and helped with planning. I also think it’s a really great way to support local vendors. We found it was far better than the physical books that don’t quite capture all the info and doesn’t allow you to edit or make changes.
Do the planning together and set aside days each week to come together and slowly chip away at the planning activities.
Ask for help from friends and family! Trust me, they want to help, so make sure to lean on friends and family with any DIY activities
Try to make wedding planning fun by going somewhere to do your planning. We went to the Berwick Botanic Gardens with two camping chairs and sat there while we planned on our laptops. We actually ended up seeing a wedding one of the days we were planning!
- Make an email just for wedding stuff,
- Have a good excel spreadsheet on the go,
- Wedding traditions are there as a guide, bend them as you want – for example, we got ready at the same house, and I really wanted to walk myself down the aisle.
- The day goes by so quickly, take moments for just the two of you to soak it all in!
Two words: BUFFER TIME. Factoring in extra time for everything, noting that things take longer than you think, is the best hack for making things run smoothly, so you’re not rushed.
One of the best things we did was create a 20+ page document that covered everything about the day — contact details, timelines for the Groom Crew and Bride Tribe, florals, signage placement, the music, and everything in between. We handed this to Zonzo’s the day before, which meant they had everything they needed without having to contact us. It also helped prevent a near disaster, as they were able to queue all of our ceremony music without needing to check in with us!
Our seating chart was changing right up until the day before (people can be unpredictable) so I would 100% recommend a QR for your seating chart. So, so so easy to change at the last minute. We used Please Find Your Seat and just added the QR code to our welcome sign.
On the back of each place card, we wrote a personalised letter to the guest. If you plan to do this, start writing the letters very early. 100+ letters takes a very long time!
How to create a great wedding guest experience
Guests remember how a wedding felt: how they arrived, what they ate, and whether they danced. Couples who planned around their guests recommend thinking through transport, food and the welcome. One couple sent guests home with flowers and cake.
Make it feel like you, not like a wedding you think you are supposed to have.
Pay attention to the moments people will feel: how they arrive, where they gather, how they are welcomed, how they are hosted and guided through the day, what they hear, when they get to relax, and how the ceremony tells your story.
Choose your MCs carefully and give them an active role in the before, during and after of the ceremony and reception. Alongside your supplier team, they can help hold the energy of the day, guide guests through each transition, and make people feel deeply welcomed rather than simply directed from one moment to the next. For us, this was one of the things guests noticed most: the meaning in the words that were shared and the deep sense of being hosted.
Choose suppliers you trust and then actually trust them. The day moves so quickly, and having kind, talented people around you makes all the difference.
Before you visit and fall in love with the venue, call them and find out how many people they can fit FIRST! Then plan backwards from there.
Include your partner in decision-making and spread the load of tasks so you don’t feel overloaded and under pressure.
If you don’t like something, SPEAK UP! Don’t be scared to ask for something to be changed, all they can do is say no – but most of the time, I found I got what I wanted or got better solutions for problems that popped up.
Yes, it is your day, and your decisions are what matter most, but you can be considerate of your guests as well:
- If you’re having a destination, offer options for transport, or accommodation.
- If parking is an issue, offer parking options so people aren’t stressed or late.
- Make sure there is enough food! It matters.
You can fit it into your budget; you just have to get creative – i.e., make your own invitations and wedding favours. The chances are that no one will remember these details except for you, so you don’t need to throw your life savings out the window.
If you can fit a videographer into your budget, I would highly recommend it – the day goes by so quickly, it is the most exciting and overwhelming day, and there are so many things I didn’t remember until I watched the video back. You also get to relive all the highlights from the day, in my opinion, hiring a videographer as well as our photographer was one of the best things we did.
Have fun! Smile! Don’t take it too seriously – you get to marry the love of your life!!
You can get a lot of energy from other people’s excitement. Getting dressed up, catching up with other guests, staying at the venue – guests look forward to the event for plenty of their own reasons. We loved noticing this because it made the wedding feel like a festival for a whole community which we get to attend, rather than a performance by us as bride and groom!
To minimise waste and share the love, we arranged for the floral team from Judah Rose to set up a wrapping station towards the end of the night and wrap bunches of flowers for guests to take with them. We also asked Stones to place paper cake bags with the platters of any leftover cake. Our guests loved leaving with a bag of cake and a bunch of stunning flowers, and we were so happy not to waste.
Seeing as everyone travelled to Italy for the wedding, we arranged a welcome event the evening before and a pool party the day after, this was so worth it! We had a small-ish wedding, and I still felt like I didn’t get enough quality time with all our guests. Having the extra events was so fun and meant we got to connect with everyone a little bit more.
Ask for help! And, if you’re a couple reading this with a kid – including our daughter in this day – and asking other guests to bring their kids – made it so authentic and fun. Kids have a way of making ordinary things magical, and on a magical day, it all becomes extraordinary. Even if you don’t have kids, don’t underestimate the joy kids can bring to your wedding.
Wedding day tips couples swear by
Several couples recommend a first look or photos before the ceremony, for calmer nerves and more time with guests. The rest of their wedding day tips range from practical to delightfully specific.
If you’re considering a first look but worry it might take away from the emotional impact of the ceremony, don’t be concerned. We’re so glad we decided to have one. For us, it helped ease any stress from the morning and created a special moment we could share before the wedding. Afterward, we both agreed that we were still deeply moved by the entrance, even though we had already shared our reveal – we were able to truly be present and take everything in during the ceremony.
We also had our photos taken before the ceremony, which was the best decision! It meant we could really be present during the day and be with our friends and family. The day goes by so quickly, so this was great in ensuring we got the most out of our wedding. It also helped calm the nerves by seeing each other before the aisle.
The day is stressful enough as it is, if you’re not comfortable doing speeches or a first dance, don’t do it.
Do a first look to get a bit of the nerves out of the way and some of the photos done, which gives you more time to spend with family and friends.
A second opinion on the first dance:
- Definitely do a first dance!
Canva is your best friend – don’t forget to create your moodboard + pick a colour scheme early on.
Do what works for you – you don’t have to follow tradition. We did things our way for a lot of things, like opting out of a wedding cake and having a Cannoli Cart instead, so people got up and danced after dinner, we didn’t have wedding favours, but Hangover drinks as people left.
I recommend a first look if you’re an anxious person like me, it allows a precious moment between the two of you, and it relieves the pressure of the aisle walk.
We outsourced our MC on the night to our celebrant, which was the best thing we did – it relieved so much stress, and she rallied the troops in such a professional manner – the reception just went so smoothly.
Organise a QR code + website like GUESTPIX so you can get all the guests to upload their captured photos and video – we didn’t have a videographer, so it came in handy.
Make sure you take some time in the day for just the two of you.
Have someone in charge of organising the parents and someone on the day designated to answer any questions. That way you can just focus on being present and taking it all in
One of the best decisions we made was grabbing coffee together at a local café on the morning of the wedding. It gave us a chance to escape the setup chaos, decompress and actually get excited for the day together.
DIY worked really well for us, but it definitely helped that the wedding was at home. We needed several days either side of the wedding, so setup and pack down didn’t feel rushed or overwhelming.
Getting married is a full day’s job, so make sure you eat at the reception! It’s so easy to get caught up interacting with your guests and time moves quicker than you think. Pause and take in every little moment if you can!
A tip for the suits:
Louis: Boys, when placing your order with the tailor, get a second shirt made. Hands down the best insurance against red wines, wedding cake or extra enthusiastic Uncles.
And finally, a skill to practise before the big day:
Bonus tip: if you plan on doing a champagne spray, make sure you practice! Maybe it’s just me, but it’s harder than it looks!
After the wedding: rest, recovery and the honeymoon
Plan a soft landing. Couples recommend a quiet end to the night, a recovery day with the people you missed, and a few days of rest before a honeymoon that follows soon after.
The night of our wedding ended back at our home, where we sat on the couch, drinking champagne and reflecting on the day. If able, I recommend it! It was exactly what we needed after such a big day.
Oh, and have a small amount of money set aside for the week of the wedding. We had a few little surprises (despite my spreadsheets), and it was handy to have some money to spare just in case.
Choosing your wedding party wisely has a massive impact in both the lead-up and on the wedding day itself. We also highly recommend a Sunday recovery after the wedding as it gives you a chance to debrief and have meaningful conversations with guests you didn’t get to catch up with on the day. Finally, if you are planning a honeymoon, we would strongly suggest having two to three days at home beforehand to unwind after such a huge weekend. It allows you to rest, be present and truly enjoy the start of your honeymoon.
Go on a honeymoon straight away – it is a big lead up, and we decided to delay our honeymoon which we would both change if we had our time again. You need the rest.
Remember what matters most
So much of this advice comes back to the same place: you’re marrying the person you love, surrounded by the people who love you both. Our couples said it best.
Do Less. So many people planning a wedding make it more complicated than it needs to be. By FAR the best thing about the wedding for me was the overwhelming love I felt for and from the people that made it so special, the rest are just details and if you incorporate too many details, you’ll ruin it for yourself and others.
Don’t forget the ‘why’. In moments of stress, you might get frustrated with each other, but always remind yourself of the reason you’re getting married. Because you love each other, you want to spend your lives together, and you want to celebrate with your family and friends. The wedding itself is a small blip in the whole scope of your lives.
- Design/purchase engagement ring(s) together! This was one of the most enjoyable parts and it meant that we both got something we adored and would wear forever. What we thought we wanted changed once we started the ‘try on’/design process.
- Remember what you’re there for – to marry the person you love.
- Stick to your guns – don’t give in to family/friend pressure or advice. (Invite who you want, do the seating plan with who YOU want to sit next to/be near, make it the most enjoyable for YOU BOTH)
- Cull the guest list – a small wedding was a dream come true. Everyone wants a piece of you – I cannot imagine sharing what little time we had on the day with more people.
- We all know wedding dresses are expensive but also make sure you’re aware of cost of alterations plus dry cleaning afterward (we had no idea the extra $$ that would be added for these things).
- Pay the Etsy witch!!!!
We feel very lucky to live in a country that supports same sex marriage. We are grateful and humbled by the queer community who came before us and fought for our rights to do so. We are forever in their debt.
If you’re planning now, save this one for the moments you need it. And if you’re newly married with a word of wisdom of your own, we’d love to hear it. Share it with us on Instagram @ivorytribe, and it might find its way into the next edition.
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FAQ
Couples in our community come back to a few themes again and again: choose vendors you trust, slow down and be present on the day, spend your budget on what matters most to you, and make decisions that reflect you as a couple.
Popular wedding vendors can book out 12 to 18 months in advance, so couples recommend enquiring early, even if your date feels a long way off.
Many couples who hired a wedding planner or on-the-day coordinator say it was worth every cent. Having someone manage vendors and timings on the day lets the couple stay present with their guests.
Couples who chose a first look say it calmed their nerves, freed up time with guests after the ceremony, and still left the aisle moment feeling emotional. It suits couples who feel anxious about the walk or want most photos done early.
